©Kerrie O'Hearn Marquart

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©Kerrie O'Hearn Marquart

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Still struggling with loss...

I am still struggling with the loss of my beloved Bill.  Sometimes, it seems to be getting better and then I hit a slump where I miss his presence so much, I can hardly stand it.  I know he is with the Lord and not suffering any longer but when you have been a caretaker for 7 years, it is quite disconcerting when you feel you no longer have a purpose in life.
I find it hard to fit in anywhere now that I am one.  God is providing much for me...work, earnings and sustaining me just as he always has.  But my feelings of loneliness are quite overwhelming at times and I break down.  All this is normal in the healing process of losing a loved one but even though we know and understand the process, it does not make it any easier.  I keep as busy as I can and I love gardening and picked my first tomato from the vine on Sunday!  

Today, I did not have to work so I decorated the front of the house with flags and red, white and blue flowers.  I am slowly getting back into reading again and am enjoying a new book and of course never get tired of reading the Bible.  

I find myself thinking a lot on our role as servants of the Lord and want to serve wherever God would use me.  I am most gratified when serving others for good.  (References 2 Cor 4:5, Philippians 6-7, Mark 9:35, 1 Peter 4:10 and John 15:12-13)

How are you handling your losses?  I hope you are getting out and about and serving the Lord in some capacity.  Sometimes, it is as simple as sharing a favorite dish that you cook with neighbors.  Do whatever you can to help others and in the same way, you also help yourself.  I am still taking one day at a time..... as the song says.

Much love to my faithful followers.  I am hoping to get back into the habit of posting more.  Thank you.
My Christian Heart to yours...


Child of God said...

Hi Kerrie,
Praying for you!! This must be so hard to have to go through, it is good to keep busy and start enjoying things that you use to, like books. But I know it doesn't make the healing process any easier, only time will do that.

Lifting you up.

Kelly said...

YOu have a great purpose. Praying for you as you continue to find your way <3

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

Kerrie my heart goes out to you thinking of the pain your going through every day.
It is so hard to not feel all of these feelings that you are going though.
I too lost the love of my life but not like you. It hurts and sometimes you just don't know how to put one foot in front of the other but thank goodness your Christian Faith will hold you up and keep you going.
Wish we were neighbors I would love to help you.
Take care and enjoy your tomatoes. I have some cherry ones that are giving me enough for a salad every now and then. lol
Keeping you in my prayers

Thistle Cove Farm said...

Oh dear Kerrie...I so wish I didn't know what you're going through. At least, I'm able to cry while sitting in a chair, walking or standing now. It used to be I was on the kitchen floor, curled into a ball, sobbing my heart out while the dogs licked my face.
Yes, finding a new purpose is my purpose for the time being. God is good, He'll provide.
God bless you, Kerrie.

ain't for city gals said...

Kerrie...one day at a time is all we can do sometimes. I do feel like I have reached a turning point with the loss of my dad...what helps me the most is knowing he would not want me to be sad...he wants us all to be happy. My mom is having a hard time but we do the best we can. Sometimes I think they had it right a long time ago...they put a black wreath on the door and they were in nourning for a year....it is so hard but....I often think of the words to the song "We could have missed the pain but we would have missed the dance"...I don't think any of us wanted to miss the dance...take care.

Lynn said...

I'm so sorry to read about the loss of your beloved husband. It must be so hard and you must miss him terribly. It sounds like you are handling it as well as anybody could, just trying to stay busy and be productive and leaning on the Lord. May He continue to make His presence felt by you, moment by moment and day by day. May His peace flood your soul. May His Holy Spirit bring you great comfort.